I’ve always had a strong instinct and intuition when it comes to smelling an impurity in someone’s energy field, a fraudulent manipulative behaviour or unclean intentions. I am very determined in feeling if I would want to connect further with someone or not. I would get a very clear response in my body. In most encounters, those people would naturally feel repelled and just disappear from my life.
In my early teenage years, I had a phase when I overrode my intuitive discernment and engaged into meeting dubious people to gloss over my loneliness and feelings of lostness, confusion and unworthiness. It didn’t last long though. The instant disconnect from my body would punish me immediately with feelings of separation and existential unsafety.
However, over time, especially when I entered my spiritual path in my twenties I started to question this strong discernment. I was told I was too strict and not open enough. Hitherto, I had never suffered from my strong discernment. Quite the contrary, it always proved to be right and I felt safe with my boundaries in place.
This questioning of my instinct and intuition recently led me to a lesson that challenged me. I met a person who one of my closest friends wanted me to meet by all means. She was totally enthusiastic about him. When I first saw him, my body had this strong initial response and contracted. I remained open and engaged in the conversation. He talked about tantra and unconditional love and behind every sentence I just sensed empty words. There was no embodiment of his knowledge. The more time went by, the more impurity I sensed in his field. I felt more and more unsafe. My womb sent out a warning signal.
When I got home, I had the feeling of having to smudge myself and take a long hot shower.
But because my friend was so enthusiastic about him, I questioned myself. Maybe I was really too strict or I exaggerated. I fell into a whirlwind of confusion and unsafety within myself. It got really dark around me and I heard a whisper of my womb: “Come home. Come home to your instinct and intuition.”
I finally found stillness within my body again. I placed my hands onto my womb, reconnected to my warm and secure portal of truth and knew that I can always trust her radar.
As it turned out later on, he showed his true intentions to my friend and proved his spiritual talk to be a fraud.
This is not about him. It’s always about myself here and I am thankful for this experience because it gave me the opportunity to really see that I can trust my instinct and my intuition and that I have the total right to do so:
I no longer distrust or question my womb’s wisdom.
I am the one who is responsible for my safety and I am totally capable of generating this feeling from within myself by connecting to my truth.
Lastly, my truth is not someone else’s truth and I don’t have to account for it.