I’m finally giving myself to HER.
I distrusted HER. I fell forth and back. And every time, SHE slapped me into my face. Every time, SHE made me have my nose on the ground smelling the Earth. SHE made me feel the pain in my physical body. So that I remember and come home.
What do I mean?
I’m not here to give any business advice and I’m only talking from my own perspective and experience. I’m declaring this for myself: I’m giving up holding onto any plan or structure that is based on the fear of the future, the trauma from the past or the conditioning my mind was brain-washed into.
How many times did I come up with a schedule to structure my day and to-do’s for my business and how many times did I feel guilty for not catching up, for feeling uncomfortable with it, for smelling it’s not my truth, for inherently knowing that it’s not how my life force energy works? And ending up in anxiety, panic or lethargy and depression?
I know how it feels like to trust HER. For years, I travelled with a little backpack and some pocket-money through the world, not knowing where I would sleep the next night, not knowing who I would be with, what my dinner would be. I followed the stream of the vibrating life force of the Earth that spins a web of divine intelligence that is weaved around the world and that I realised I am part of.
I slept in a tent and I slept in a castle. When I fully trusted, I ended up in the most magical experiences with people whose eyes radiate full of vibrancy and love, with ceremonies, dances and intimate encounters that are an honor to be a witness of. There was no time. The clock did not exist. And yet, everything unfolded divinely.
I’m having goosebumps and tears in my eyes, when I think back to these times in my life. I had faith. It was not easy and I fell from the bandwagon of trust many times, but I felt alive and my heart was beating in union with the heart of the Universe and the heart of the Earth.
I know that it exists. I tasted the ecstasy of being alive in a human body.
Building a business sounded very serious to me even though in this time I already was living from my teachings, healings and workshops. However, I learned about building an online business and tried to apply strategies. I experimented with scheduling my day. And I always failed. Sometimes, it worked for 3 days or even a week, then I needed to let go. I lost my inspiration, I didn’t feel the ecstasy behind my purpose anymore. I neglected my body’s natural pull and wisdom.
Anyhow, every time, I tried to catch up again, SHE slapped me into my face to remind me of a deeper divine intelligence that is vibrating in the cells of my body.
I’m coming back home to ritual and listening to my womb’s creative force and wisdom that is connected to the cosmic womb of creation.
How does this apply to my business? I follow the thread that is alive within me in the present moment. I follow what feels ecstatic, what makes my body vibrate to talk about and share with my audience. My life force energy is my leader. It sounds simple, but devoting yourself to HER means cutting through your crap of eons of systematic conditioning all the way through your ancestral lineages and past lives. Sh*t will come up and it’s real!
SHE is raw. SHE is messy. SHE is wild. SHE is the black void. Can you trust the unknown? The chaos?
Business will develop into a totally different direction. The old structures will have to fall apart in the new paradigm. And they already do.
As I’m in the creation process of my new mentorship journey, I am pushed to trust that there are days where I don’t do anything at all and that this is part of the creation process. It’s challenging to let go of the guilt of not “doing anything” and the conditioned anxiety that comes along with it.
I’m committed to face these challenges because I’m done with the old way. My body wants to come home to her natural relaxed state of sensual bliss and ecstatic aliveness.
The new structures for me are built upon nourishment and love – on ritual and ceremony. I’m held by the lit candle on my altar that opens my being to merge with the divine intelligence within the fertile void of the cosmic womb.
Making each day of my life sacred.