This morning it dropped.

It took me 8 years now to understand what actually happened in the yoga classes I visited in the winter of 2012 when I freshly moved to Berlin.

It was the year when I healed from my burnout, quit with my studies and made my dream of living in Berlin come true. I already left the classical academic path behind, but still found myself in a corporate environment I was not happy and struggled insanely with. Be that as it may, I lived in my favorite city and enjoyed this new feeling so much. Though, I secretly knew that this new feeling was just a little taster of what it actually means to live my life to my full potential and that I just started taking the first baby steps on my path of coming home to myself.

The December evenings were dark and cold. I found myself in a yoga class in Schöneberg every Friday night after work. I still remember the old floorboards of the building and the thick red mats that actually were not proper yoga mats. I liked the style of the teacher as she incorporated sensual flowy movements into the practice. In Shavasana, she guided us through a visualisation to connect to our soul. We were meant to feel, sense and see our soul.

I sensed my soul in my chest, in my heart space, saw her as a white dove with long almost transparent wings and let her fly around freely until she settled back into my heart when the meditation came to an end. I was always mesmerized by her freedom and magical sparkles she spread when she opened her wings. She made me remember that there was more to life. That I don’t dare enough to dream big. That I even don’t know what my dreams are.

Every time after the class, I left the building with a warm connected feeling in my chest, but also with a bit of a confusion about what to do with the white dove.Time went by and my years in Berlin were truly magical – sometimes in a blissful and mostly in a painful way as I was shedding more and more layers. I forgot about the dove. Only 3 years later in 2015 I saw her again and this time in a golden cage. I was at a party at a friend’s apartment in Neukölln and saw an empty bird cage on top of the fridge in the kitchen. Time stood still, I snapped out of the scenery and found myself in my astral body in a beach house in Goa, India, looking at the cage whose doors stood wide open and the dove flying out of the open window with the curtains blowing in the breeze.

I understood. My soul was already free. The doors of the cage were open. The golden cage I liberated myself from by shedding all of the layers of my conditioning and own imprisonment. 2015 was the year when I finally left the corporate world behind and made the decision to fly to India and follow my dreams.

Again, 4 years later in 2019, I came across the book “The Cosmic Shekinah” by Sorita d’Este and David Rankine with a white dove on the cover. Shekinah is Hebrew and stands for the feminine aspect of the Divine represented by the white dove which is a symbol for kindness, love, peace, faithfulness and forgiveness. As the Holy Wisdom and Cosmic Womb, she is acknowledged in the sacred teachings of Judaism and in the Gnostic gospels. Inspired by this book, I made my way to Israel to unlock her codes in my DNA at the end of 2019 which took me on a deep journey that blasted my heart open and finally pushed me to offer my work online.

And now in 2021, I’m sitting in my morning meditation and putting all the puzzle pieces together. The Divine Feminine sparked her seed inside of me in these dark winter nights in Berlin 8 years ago. She was already with me. Initially unconsciously, I followed her thread. Thank you, Shekinah, for reminding me of who I am.

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