Our ancestors only want us to free ourselves from the chains that were created in the past and continue walking our path with lightness, grace and joy.
These past 5 weeks of intense insomnia were accompanied by the women in my maternal ancestral lineage. When I was 21, all of a sudden, I started having horrible nights with anxiety, sweating and heart racing which led to depression and my burnout 2 years later. At that point, I didn’t understand what was going on. The insomnia kicked in so suddenly and it didn’t feel like ‘me’ at all. It felt foreign. I couldn’t trace it back to a real root cause in my life. Of course, there was personal stress and pressure that fed into the burnout, as well, but everything that was happening at night felt foreign to me. Until I was 21, I would always sleep like a baby.
I tried out everything you can try out in the world to ‘solve’ my insomnia. Nothing worked. Thus, within the last 10 years I’ve always been on a rollercoaster with my sleep. However, the past 5 weeks it was so intense that it reminded me of my burnout time and I almost got panicky it would happen again. Simultaneously, the pain on my left shoulder got so bad like never before. And that’s when it clicked and I was able to connect the dots.
Our left side is our feminine side, also connected to our maternal ancestral line. Shoulder pain stands for carrying the burdens of life and the weight of the world on our shoulders. It’s also linked to grieving the loss of our mother. Well, I didn’t lose my mother, but my mother lost her mother when she was a little girl because she committed suicide. She was alcoholic, depressed and violently as well as sexually abused by her husband, my grandfather.
Now, when your mother is in your grandmother’s belly, you already exist in her womb and thus, call of the genetic imprints including the trauma and wounds is passed on into your body.
My mother has the same insomnia issues and left shoulder pain (much more intense!) as I do. This is a perfect example of ancestral baggage you carry with you.
A part of me always knew that the depression, anxiety and heaviness are not entirely mine. In the past, at nights when it got really insane, I would sometimes desperately scream at my grandma in spirit to leave me alone with all of this pain and the pain would stop immediately for some time. In the past 5 weeks, she’s been with me a lot. I took on all of her trauma and wounds. Her depression, her suicidal thoughts as well as her womb pain and numbness from sexual abuse. It’s all stored in my tissues.
Yesterday evening, I did a lot of womb breathing and shaking to release more and more of it. And today I went to the ecstatic dance where my grandma came to me in spirit again as I was dancing. She showed me how everything is linked. She showed me why I do the work I do, why I am here to release trauma from women’s wombs. I accepted this task long before I was aware of the whole picture.
And then, she said that it’s on me to liberate myself from the heaviness and depression. That it’s just a choice. My womb filled up with lightness and warmth. I shaked my hips in all directions and danced the dance of liberation. And because time is not linear, I could feel a big release in all the women in my ancestral line as their wombs also filled up with love.
Recently, I witnessed a client in releasing rape consciousness rooted in her maternal lineage from her womb which had a tremendous effect on her life. It was also linked to her self-sabotaging patterns which just vanished into thin air after the release. It’s a courageous act though. A very courageous act. And it’s very complex as you can see.
We are multidimensional beings, dear ones, everything from past/ parallel lives and your ancestors is stored in the tissues of our body – the gifts as well as the wounds. But we are not a victim of these wounds, we are here to release them, to give them back to the Earth and continue on our path with lightness, grace and joy. That’s all our ancestors want for us. And they are here to support us.
WE ARE FREE, GRANDMA! I LOVE YOU!
*Image: Alessia Cocconi