Before sitting down and writing this post I was swaying my hips from side to side, shaking my pelvis and thus, connecting with this precious treasure of infinite wisdom and creative potential stored within my womb space. And no, this is not how I used to live my life, let alone embody my creativity. I was highly depressed.
Depression has many faces from persistent sadness over extreme fatigue to feelings of worthlessness, guilt or hopelessness. Grown up in a high-achieving patriarchal world with almost no self-esteem I found myself anxious, empty and depleted in my early twenties. I couldn’t sleep, felt absolutely helpless and at some point wanted to end my life because there was no sense for me to continue. There was no passion. No purpose.
Today, I know that the root cause of my suffering was a total disconnection from my feminine essence. l understood that we as women cannot feel alive as long as we don’t comprehend ourselves as part of existence – of nature and the universe.
THE POWER OF OUR MENSTRUAL CYCLE
When we look at nature, we see all this pulsating vibrancy and fertility. Pure aliveness! We notice the natural cycles of life: birth – life – death – rebirth. As women we are familiar with these cycles through our menstruation. We go through phases and each phase has a different quality to it. By connecting with our menstrual cycle, we bring ourselves back to rhythm. We allow ourselves to flow with the natural tides instead of being resistant towards change. And as we know: Change is the only constant in life! We grew up in a society where we’ve learnt to ignore our cyclical nature and to even feel shame towards our menstrual blood. This disconnection from the earth and our body is the main root cause for our depression. Paying attention to and celebrating our own cycle brings us back into harmony, health and vitality.
OUR SEXUAL ENERGY IS OUR CREATIVE ENERGY IS OUR LIFE FORCE ENERGY
It’s all one. Our sexual energy seated in our vagina is also our creative energy which is our original life force energy (also called: Kundalini Shakti). Thus, when we begin to unleash our sexual energy, we unleash our creative potential, as well. It’s our driving force that connects us with life itself and it’s infinite.
Being in depression means that we have moved away from living in alignment with our true essence and our zest for creation – for life. It appears as emptiness and numbness. The numbness protects us from feeling our pain. It’s a survival mechanism. And this is the exact same thing that happens in our vagina. The relationship to our vagina mirrors our attitude towards our life. She is the place where new life comes into existence – from where we birth our creations into existence. She represents our commitment for our aliveness and the utilisation of our potential as a human being. When we begin to honour and reclaim our ability to feel and sense, we are guided on your way back home to ourselves. Becoming conscious of the sensations in our vagina means to understand that the world around us affects our inner world. Her power leads us to look within and to recognize how our mind is capable of distorting our reality because of conditionings, dogmas, judgements and shame.
Women who reconnect with their womb space, deprogram from patriarchal conditioning as well as release stored trauma, pain and numbness from their bodies, remember who they are. They suddenly remember what they came here for. Life makes sense again. They are able to see the beauty and interconnectedness. The heavy veil of separation is lifted.
MOVEMENT IS MEDICINE
The feminine loves to move. Depression also means stagnation. Our life force energy cannot circulate through our body. Our emotions are stuck in our organs. Therefore, especially intuitive movement which allows our body to express and release our emotions opens ourselves up for healing and accessing deeper parts to reconnect with our feminine essence. Free flowing yoga as well as letting our body dance intuitively brings us back into alignment. Also yin yoga is a beautiful way to release blockages from the deeper tissues, get back in touch with the restorative feminine energy and learn to surrender.
LIVING THE WOMAN WE TRULY ARE
We are meant to feel. We are meant to ride the waves of our emotions, learning from and then letting go of them. When we are in depression we are so far away from feeling ourselves that it creates a big hollow pain. And yet, we need to acknowledge this little spark inside of ourselves that makes us aware of our disconnection in the first place. This is our starting point.
From there, every woman has the capacity to drop into the wisdom of her body. Asking for guidance and help is the first big step in the right direction. We don’t have to do everything on our own as we’ve been taught.
Once, we are back rooted in our womb, aware of our sensual self and sexuality, centered in our heart and in contact with our intuition, we evoke an unwavering fascination. We are home within ourselves no matter the circumstances around. This felt sense comes with a feeling of peacefulness and deep inner knowing that everything is alright as it is. We know how to use our sensitivity, trust in ourselves and surrender to the flow of life. We know we were born from deep down of the Earth’ womb with the light of the universe in our soul. We liberate ourselves and come back home.
Sabrina Abhai Joti